


Forget me not

by KerryLamb



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Dubious Ethics, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Mind Meld, Mind Rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:35:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4784210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KerryLamb/pseuds/KerryLamb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nyota's been taking private tutorials with Commander Spock but having a hard time remembering much about the session as she struggles to keep up with his lessons. Spock had a recent traumatic experience that left him with unexpected side effects as he finds his logic slipping and his emotions raging. What will happen when Nyota comes to remember what Spock forced her to forget?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little doll

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first story I posted on ff under gad-eshu'a and it's pretty rough to edit because of my blatant inexperience with writing stories but mostly because of the subject matter. If you've read it before and care to re-read it with edits and revisions please be my guest but if you don't want to deal with an abusive!Spock and the subject matter of rape Please please PLEASE skip this. Thank you.

" 5th floor, study cubes."

At the sound of her voice the turbolift whirled to lift and glided smoothly up through the floors of the Starfleet Academy library.

Nyota adjusted her backpack higher up onto her shoulder as she checked her comm with happy smile to find that she would be about 4 minutes early to her tutorial session. Well early for a human maybe and right on time for her Vulcan tutor.

She felt the familiar fluttering and knotting in her belly as she thought of being alone with her professor and unspoken crush. Whether or not the feelings of attraction ( or perhaps infatuation) were mutual surely her being still being consistently early and ahead of the class schedule for three weeks into the Gol dialect of Vuhlkansu would make a good impression? That would be enough right, just to be in the Lieutenant Commander’s good graces?

The lift chimed and opened letting Nyota off as she swiftly walked down the window corridor towards the study cubicles. It was a bit of a joke that the academy adopted study cubes in lieu of Vulcan’s student study bowls with the only the shape, primary language and planet to differ the two teaching aids. The whole debate surrounding them on which was better reminded Nyota of the ancient arguments surrounding mac vs pc technut camps.

She caught her reflection as she was passing one of the windows and frowned. While she didn’t want to make it obvious that she was gussying up for their tutoring sessions Nyota also didn’t want to appear any less made up than usual. Her trademark cateye kohl was fresh and sharp but she must of chewed at her lips at some point because she lipstick was both faded and half removed.

Sighing she rummaged through her backpack for the tube but could only find a tinted lipbalm to fill in. She grabbed the roller stick of lilac oil and reapplied the scent along the line of her throat and at the insides of her wrists.

" Hmm and maybe if I..." she mumbled to herself as she freed her hair from the confines of the band that held it in its customary high ponytail and shook it loose around her shoulders. She had freshly washed and straightened it but the high humidity brought in by the bay already had it curling into gentle waves. Giving it one last fluff for volume with her fingers she practiced a smiling and giggling shyly before shaking her head in disgust and tried another more sultry pose with her chin pointed down and her eyes looking up as she bit her lip.

“ Is that the right way to say profound affection, Oso? Does it really translate into love in Standard?” she asked her reflection. Ugh she was hopeless. She checked her comm again and cursed silently and slung her bag back onto her side.

" I only have two minutes now!"

She shouldn't spent all that extra time on her appearance when he barely even looked at anything but her eyes but she couldn’t help herself knowing that she would have his undivided attention. Lately it felt that Nyota had gotten so wrapped up in studying the Vulcan male that she could hardly recall the Vulcan language. She put in extra time on her own to brush up for their sessions so not as to embarrass herself. She wasn't sure what it was about him that left her so absentminded?

Nyota hurried down the corridor, stuffing her comm into her bag as she went, running until she stumbled into the door of their cube and cursed again as she rubbed her toe through the tip of her boot. Steadying her breathing, the slim cadet straightened her posture before pushing the door panel to cycle open.

Look serious not happy, that's attractive to Vulcans she chided herself.

The metal panel silently slid into the wall revealing her former Vulcan instructor now turned tutor who didn't bother to glance up once from the PADD before him. No doubt with his hearing Spock knew of her arrival when she first slammed into the door. " Cadet, have a seat."

Nyota swallowed a sigh of disappointment as she sat in the chair next to him and put her bag onto the table. She made her movements long and lazy, an extra flick of the wrist here as she opened the front pouch, slow deliberate pawing there as she groped around the pocket feeling for a stylus she knew to be right at her fingertips while using as much time as possible so perhaps he’d grow interested in what she was doing and look over. Instead she caught him swiping the screen of the PADD to go to the next page.

At that, she did sigh. The commander didn't even look at what she had done with her hair! Even from two feet away she could feel the heat radiating off him as he shifted closer to slid the PADD over for her to study. His knee stopped short of brushing hers as he pointed to the screen and silently willed him to touch her." Read paragraphs two through six aloud."

Spock stood and paced slowly behind her as she began to recite from a stanza of prose, tilting his head every so often to better hear her pronunciation. When Nyota finished he nodded and knotted his hands behind his back. " Good. Now go to location 178.965 on the PADD and read section four."

She readily did so and exceedingly well with the exception of her breath catching in her throat when he came to stand behind her which made her words fade from her mouth. His presence was hard to ignore as she struggled with the written description of city hall located in Gol.

" Stop." he said flatly and leaned over to point out a word on the PADD.

He was so close! All she had to do was turn as she would be mere inches from his face. From his lips.

" You said a'son, column incorrectly. Try it once more."

She repeated it until he nodded sagely.

" What did I end up saying before?"

His expression remained passive as he told her. " A'sim, which means bed."

Nyota's eye widened in horror at her faux pas and she quickly apologized. “ I’m sorry, it’s not like I was thinking about a bed or beds when I with you I um wow I’m babbling….ahem...”

He furrowed his brows a bit. " Why apologize? You are not yet fluent in this dialect, mistakes are expected. As for your ‘babbling’, no offense is taken."

She fidgeted in her seat uncrossing and recrossing her legs as she avoided the uncomfortable unblinking stare of her former professor’s dark alien eyes. Something had been bothering her for a while now and she finally felt settled enough with him and her studies to confide to the Vulcan.

"I just expected to catch on to this dialect a lot more quickly than I have. It's almost like I'm forgetting half of it. I'll admit I’ve studied outside of our sessions on my own to get ahead in the past but now it feels like it's more for me to catch up to where we are now." she huffed, shaking her head disbelief that she would have such a tough problem with not a language but a dialect of a language that she’d been speaking since her preteen years.

So silly she griped to herself as she highlighted the paragraph to study later. She was too caught up in trying to get Spock to notice her that her translations were suffering as a result of it. She pinched the bridge of her nose when she felt a mild headache coming on but his voice stopped her mid-rub.

" Nyota, I may be able to offer you some assistance in regards of your studies." he replied turning a bit to face her.

She perked up and looked up at him hopefully. " More than what you're doing now with tutoring me?" He nodded and sat next to her once more staring at her intently.

" I could pass on my own knowledge to you of the dialect pronunciation through a mind meld. It would be quick and painless."

Nyota pursed her lips and thought about it with her gaze cast down towards the PADD. " Wouldn't that give me an unfair advantage over my classmates who would have to figure it out on their own?"

He tilted his head, giving her point some thought. " None of your fellow classmates have approached me about learning any other dialects outside of what is taught, think of this as a much deserved study aid for all of your work and dedication you put into your education."

Her eyes snapped up to his face find him observing her tensely. A mind meld, with Spock? She chewed on her lip as she thought it over. He could find out...he could learn about her feelings, see why she hesitated to take him up on his offer. Was it safe? Nothing would come of it with Spock being a Vulcan and in all likelihood spoken for by his bondmate. Hmm, he never spoke of her, did he have one? He would probably be amused or horrified by Nyota's feelings but move on and continue to regard her in a professional manner. She looked up again to where he was standing over here and slowly nodded.

" Okay but don't judge me, please, if you find see something that you don't expect?"

" I will not do so." he said, brushing his fingers lightly across her face. He watched her as he lined up his thumb and fingers along the side and murmured something quietly between his lips.

Nyota felt a cool trickle tingle from the top of her skull down towards the base of her spine. She shivered involuntarily while the sterile room around her faded to black. Within the darkness she heard his voice recite all of the prose and poetry that he had her study, the sound echoing down to her mouth where she felt her own lips moving in sync with his words.

It made so much sense now, she just had to relax her vocal chords a bit and let the air roll over them just as she let the words ride upon the waves of her tongue. Spock seem gratified by her understanding and moved about within her thoughts, curious of his new surroundings. She felt faint sense of panic as he stopped and inspected a memory involving him.

The inky darkness swirled with color until she was sitting at the table across from Gaila trying to choose what to eat first. This happened last week she thought, looking around remembering the terrible mixed salad they served that day. She could even taste and feel the limp, mushy greens sliding bitterly down her throat in a small, slimy lump.

Gaila giggled and bumped her side. " There goes your boooyfriend."

Nyota sighed and frowned as she saw Spock walking stately across the cafeteria, gracefully avoiding any and all unwanted touch in the bustling cafeteria hallway.

" He's hardly my boyfriend, Gaila." she mumbled as she speared her unwanted salad. " I don't think he notices me as a woman, only as a human female."

Gaila snorted a laugh and licked the lid of her chocolate pudding cup. " Maybe he'll notice you if you just wear that perfume I gave you for your birthday..."

Nyota shot her a glare over her fork. " I am NOT wearing chocolate perfume around a Vulcan, especially if said Vulcan is my teacher!"

Gaila smirked and sniffed the air. " Still trying to get by with that lilac oil aren't you? That's such a myth! Yes, Vulcans can smell almost as good as an Orion but they don't get aroused off of flower scents. What would happen if a group of Vulcan delegates had a meeting with Starfleet with a vase of flowers off to the side? Do you think all the Vulcans are going to be like ' Do I detect a hint of Jasmine?' and jump the bones of the nearest person?"

Nyota groaned into her cup of tea. She had been wearing this lilac oil for a month and jasmine a month before that and he hadn't said one word about the change. She had also tried 5 different hairstyles proceeding the changes but Gaila didn't need to know she was doing it for Spock, she'd never hear the end of it. Never.

" I guess you're right. But I'm not wearing anything chocolate related or giving him a mocha to liquor him up! I want him to notice me not under the influence of anything."

Gaila sighed and dug into her pudding. " Suit yourself, chicka. You ain't never get laid with that attitude."

Her vision clouded over to the steam of her dormitory shower stall where she was furiously rubbing between her legs, in quick, hard circles with her other arm bracing her against the wall as the hot water ran down her shuddering body. She leaned her ass against the tile wall behind her and closed her eyes, imagining it was his body she was pressing into. She peeped at her reflection in the shiny water control panel and moaned at the sight. Instantly she felt the blood drain from her face and her mouth run dry. He couldn’t see this, he shouldn’t!

No, Spock, please skip over this she squeaked within her mind, tugging at the memory futilely as he held it tighter, viewing her in the foggy reflection of the shower stall glass door. She slid down and squatted, plunging two of her fingers within her heated sex. " Oh Spock please...fuck me, do it hard..." she mewled and proceeded to pound her fingers into her slick folds with increasing speed. When she came she called out his name and clamped down on her thrusting fingers. The vision split into a number of other such occasions on her bed, while with a partner, and surprisingly to Spock once in his office at his desk during a time she was his aide. Nyota was beyond mortified, helpless to stop the Vulcan as he replayed each of her thoughts with all the accompanying feelings she felt and viewed with her masterbation with an almost scientific interest.

His curiosity was sated Spock released her and her memories from his grip and end the meld not even a minute after it started.

Nyota gasped and shivered as his mind left her own, her body lurching towards the table as she sought to regain individual control of her body after the Vulcan had taken over. It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her head leaving her whole body feeling raw and overly sensitive. “Oh God no...you...Oh my God!”

She started to cry, humiliated at all that he had seen. Actions she would have never told a soul laid bare at her superior’s feet, as she shamefully and regularly pleasured herself with him in mind. Her face was hot with embarrassment as she tried and failed to compose herself. Before the first tears started to roll down her cheeks Nyota grabbed her things and fled towards the door where Spock gracefully blocked her path with his quicker reflexes and larger body.

Staring down at her he ordered the door to close. "Computer lock door. You are not done with your tutorial yet. 15 minutes and 32 seconds remain." The telltale clink of bolts sliding into the panel let Nyota know she was trapped.

She sniffled and shook her head wildly. " No I should go, I...I can't finish right now." she sobbed.

Spock looked perplexed and sought to understand the situation. " Are you unwell, Cadet Uhura?"

Tears were streaming down her face now in earnest. She felt so exposed and he acted as if nothing happened.

" Cadet, I did not inform you that some emotional transference might occur during the meld though I tried my best to shield you from my own."

She sobbed once more and looked at him angrily. " You don't get it, I felt nothing from you! You watched my finger myself and fuck some random guy while thinking about you and you didn't even say a word about it!"

Spock's brows furrowed further and a slightest frown turned his lips. " You requested earlier that I withhold judgement and yet now you are upset that I did so? So was is it that you want from me Nyota?"

She stopped sniffling at the sound of her name on his lips. She looked up but couldn't read a thing from his face. His came up to brush her own and she jerked away in surprise. Spock? Touching her?

" Tell me, what do you want?" he asked, undeterred by her flinching away from his hands and resumed trying to touch her.

She nibbled on her lip again, unsure of what to say or what to do. This was all too strange and sudden for her to process.

" I...I don't know."

" A lie." he replied, tapping a finger against her elbow as he felt her pulse race from his mental observation. She frowned at him before gasping in shock as he leaned down and kissed her full on the lips. His soft lips were full and light as Spock pressed his mouth against hers firmly, she squirmed in his hold unable to fully enjoy the kiss as it was something that could both get them both in a great deal of trouble.

" Tell me, Nyota." he mumbled against her lips and kissed her more forcibly this time, walking the Cadet forward until Nyota felt her butt bump into the edge of the table. He hands ran up her waist then down to cup her plump bottom where he began to knead her cheeks. She moaned into his mouth as she opened it to him but suddenly pulled away, shaking her head.

" We shouldn't do this." she whispered quietly as if they were endangered of being overheard. She started to push away from his chest but his hand rose up to the back of her neck and held her firmly in place.

" But it is what you want. I saw it, I felt it."

She looked down and shook her head once more in his steely hold. " I know but I...I'm just not sure. I'm just so flustered right now, I'm confused of how this is even happening."

He remained silent with what she assumed to be deep thought but did not release her neck. She tried again to push away but he only tightened his fingers around the slender column.

" Du aitlun t’nash veh. ( You want me)." He growled at her in Vulcan. She flinched as he came closer to her and brushed his cheek lightly against her as he snarled into her ear. " You want me to mate with you."

Nyota felt the heat in her face renew and struggled to free herself from his steely grip. " Please, just forget about it, I'm just...I..."

She didn't finish her sentence as Spock's tongue forced its way back into her mouth. She kissed back feebly but struggled once more as his free hand slipped underneath her skirt hem and grazed across her panties. She mumbled into his mouth, her words lost within his throat as he gave a hard yank to the thin fabric, freeing the moisture that was already pooling between her thighs.

He broke the kiss leaving Nyota lightheaded and gasping for air. Was she really about to fuck her professor in the library? She whimpered as one of his fingers teased itself way inside her followed quickly by another and then one more. Fear and excitement warred within her as she rocked her hips against Spock's hand with a breathy moan. The tall Vulcan watched her, his heated gaze and obvious erection speeding her along towards a climax she half heartedly wanted.

Her hips faltered as she grew closer, her conflicting emotions eating away at her enjoyment as she feared what this would mean for them and their careers if they were discovered. She wanted him but was it really worth her potential livelihood?

Towering above her with a ragged breath puffing from his lips, Spock appeared to glean her sense of foreboding and slide his long fingers from her neck once more towards her face. Just when Nyota thought she was being let go, Spock firmly pressed his fingertips against her skull and pushed the slender cadet down onto the surface of the table. She tried unsuccessful to pull at skirt as it was lodged around her waist unable to circumnavigate around her behind and the table it was wedged between. She pleaded then for Spock to let her go, for them to talk it over, for him to look to logic as stood there blank of expression as his eyes darted over the slick folds of her exposed sex.

Once pinned Nyota felt an immediate throbbing pulse from his hand into her temples followed by a burning wave of lust addled her brain and shook her body. Her mouth was moving but her words were lost as her sense of hearing was shorted out and her sense of touch was amplified. She no longer heard him chuffing over her prone form but felt the vibrations of it rattling inside her chest.

Her vision became distorted as Nyota saw Spock looming above her and her frightened looking face and half nude body beneath him in colors that were too highly saturated to be her own. " What's... happening..?" She asked belabored by her sluggish feeling muscles. Something was making her feel hot and tingly but it scared her that she could not control it. The flood of desire swelled and peaked, speeding her breath, dilating her pupils, budding her nipples and drenching her sex.

Insecurities and doubts fled as the heady energy had Uhura arching her back with a bawdy moan and clawing at his jacket. Mmm good, he felt so good, she thought nudging her head into the hand on her face as he continue to transmit his own lust and desire into her small frame. “ Oh! Spock, please!”

" Tell me now Nyota, what it is you want."

" I want...I wanna come. Please." she mewed her hands dancing across her body trying desperately to shed her clothing. She felt so hot and like there were pins and needles under her skin and the fabric only seem to further the irritation. “ Please, Spock.”

He curled his fingers inside her, taking pleasure in the way she asked for more, writhing and gasping for breath until she cried out his name as she shook uncontrollably against his hands. Purring above her, Spock quickly flipped her over, hiking her skirt further up her waist along her ribcage and held her in place with a heavy hand on her back. She heard fabric shuffle and the unmistakable noise of a zipper being drawn down.

She shook her head and blinked heavily as the thick lust confounding her mind cleared a bit with the strength of her orgasm. She felt the bulbous head of his strange, scalding cock prodding her slick entrance as she struggled beneath him to no avail. They shouldn't be doing this. This was wrong, wasn't it? She had never been with a Vulcan before, would it hurt?

The whole situation was strange and frightening, having her daydream birthed into reality in such a horrid way. She wasn’t sure she wanted him, her body was fighting to get closer while her mind jerked her limbs away as it howled no inside her but now she couldn’t get free of his hot hands or his lok brushing at her wet folds.

" Spock, I don't think we should do this...please we should wait. My head...I feel funny."

The Commander was quiet as he shifted her wrists into the vice grip of one hand with a yank, making her arch her back and stick her ass into the air. She moaned his name and started to protest just as he melded with his other hand once more. His passion and lust surged through her, cutting off her protesting mind by the strength of his alien emotions. She moaned loudly and presented herself like a bitch in heat, rubbing herself up against his dick. That was it, that was what she wanted.

" Fuck me, fuck me, Spock!" she purred, pulling against his hold only because she wanted to be closer. She wanted to swallow him as she sucked him off. She wanted to bounce up and down on his lok, watching as he spilled inside her. She wanted him to take her and make her come, and come and come until she was spent. She wanted Spock to consume her.

Spock growled in pleasure, privy to all her lewd thoughts within the corrupted meld and forced his feverish hot lok inside her, making Nyota scream out at the sudden invasion. He was big, too big. She couldn't remember having someone quite as large as Spock, his girth and length were both uncomfortable forcing her pussy to stretch to accommodate his alien cock. On the second thrust he made it all the way to the hilt with bumpy knot stretching her further. Nyota hissed in pain and pleasure trembling with effort to relax around his foreign anatomy. “ Oh, oh yeah! Mmm Spock…”

She was so full of him, her Spock. Her Spock? The wording and the male in question runting behind her made her pause once more in confusion. She shook her head but she couldn’t see through the haze of desire. He rocked against her and she whimpered and moaned and yanked against his hand holding her captive. It burned, he burned, her body felt aflame and he was only making her hotter.

" Tell me, Nyota. Tell me everything you want."

Her mind was still lethargic as it labored to cope with processing the Vulcan lust he suffused her with but she still registered what he asked. She pushed her hips back feebly on each thrust out her body no longer fighting to take him in, her butt bouncing against his pelvis.

" I want this, I want you, I crave you." she moaned against the table trying to gain friction against her aching clit. She whined as he released her hands, pinned down her shoulders taking her with a speed that stole her breath.

" You are close." he grunted, more a statement than a question.

Nyota nodded and shifted against him as best she could. He moved one hand between her shoulders and used the other to lift her leg to rest on his forearm and table. The shift in position exposed her clit, putting the swollen nub in line with his balls which slapped against it mercilessly . She didn't have time to make a sound as her climax slammed into her. She laid there gasping for air as he took her even harder, pain commingling with pleasure and bringing her even higher.

Nyota teared up at the intensity, sobbing as she caught her breath from her shuddering lungs. She couldn't handle another orgasm like that she thought but there was Spock ripping another from her body as she wailed and tremored against him, thought and reasoning not fully within her control. She felt faint as he continued to pound into her powerless form.

“ T’nash veh.” he cooed above her, his head thrown back with a mad look of ecstasy with cresting his brows together towards the middle and his mouth slack in awe.

Nyota closed her eyes against the onslaught of her mind and body as Spock claimed them as his own and saw images she felt to not be her own. Perhaps it was the meld or maybe his own sordid imaginings that she saw in snips and flashes of him restraining her arms, his cock nestled deep inside her as he took the small human cadet while sitting on a chair. Were they memories or daydreams?

Suddenly he relented and picked her up in his arms lowering his pants around his knees before settling down into the chair beside them. Whether the images were fabled or true, it appeared that the Vulcan wanted to see them put into action. She squirmed and pushed against him but the large alien male held her above his waist and slowly impaled her on his green, engorged member.

She threw back her head and keened as he took her, no longer slow but quick and deep with his knotty base feeding that maddening tension building in her clit. She clawed into his shoulders, the fabric on his uniform bunching under her nails as another wave of lust raked through her spine and cursed his gods in Vulcan. She felt limp and boneless, tired and sore but she could not stop herself from lifting her hips in sync with his strokes and relishing the thick fullness he created in her pussy.

" Let me do it." she slurred. The Vulcan acquiesced and placed both his hands along the psi points of her face, further infusing her with his unbidden lust as she began to bounce and grind herself on his ghastly inhuman cock. It felt so good, he felt so good, she wouldn't stop, couldn't stop, Nyota chanted with herself as she fought tired body not to give into the urge to rest.

" Weh sanoi Osu, weh weh sanoi!" she whined, pumping faster and harder along the frightful, knobby lok as it spongy ovid bumps began to harden and swell.

" Du guv-ri..." Spock stared but didn't finished before Nyota leaned up and bracing her against his shoulders and fucked him from root to tip all in one quick fluid motion. Two strokes in and he was growling against her neck biting along the column. She cried out in delight, in distress and confusion before falling limp against him as he emptied his scorching hot cum from his jerking, torrid lok. As it pulsed and streamed the hot gushing fluid into her lax body he exhaled with a loud, feral hiss and licked at the mark on her slender brown shoulder.

Spock sat for a moment in the chair panting and catching his breath before moving the unconscious cadet to the table. He was better this time with handling her but he still bit her neck like he typically did. The Vulcan raked the hair of his fringe back and sighed heavily, looking forlorn as he stared at the tears streaking her face. He could not help himself or at least failed to these past few days and because of that she suffered his lok and the crushing weight of his Vulcan emotions.

Spock reached into his bag and proceeded to mend the skin at her neck wound with a dermal regenerator. The Vulcan in him wished to leave it but he knew that if he wanted to continue his 'meetings' with Nyota that he had to be very careful not to leave any evidence behind. Next he tended to the bruises at her wrist, hips and neck and wiped her mound clean of his semen as it steadily trickled out into a pool onto the table.

Spock held up her panties for inspection, noting the design and pulled out an identical pair that he had replicated at his house. Before starting his exploration of her body and mind two weeks and a half ago he had made sure to examine and take down the specifications for each article of Nyota's clothing during the winter break while she was off visiting family. It was easy to override the code to get into her room, even better to cover his trail by using Professor Shuran's staff number as the officer requesting it.

He gently slid on the underwear and admired her supine figure. She looked so beautiful to him with her vulnerable like this. He had an urge to take her again but he checked his lok and passion knowing that he would have to wake her from the effects of the nerve pinch soon.

Last time he had taken her in such a manner he had to replace all her clothes as he ripped them from her quailing from and seized her over his desk. Spock would wait until she was full of his semen or barely able to move before pinching her shoulder as he came or pinching her clit sending her soaring before cutting her off with a bite to the nerve using his laving tongue to transmit his telepathic connection over her body and send her into a deep slumber.

Spock repressed another sigh as he picked her up, crushing her to his broad chest as he marked her instead with his scent, purring into the hair he saw she had taken pains to beautify just for him. “ T’nash veh pi’su-leitri. ( My little doll)” he murmured against her cheek and kissed away the water that traveled earlier from her eyes. He was ashamed but he could not help himself. Would not help himself to anything other than her body. He was nothing more than a foul abrukhausu osu ( dominant superior/teacher) who mourned his actions only enough to feel guilt. It hurt him to think as to why he started taking her, why he was lonely and why he needed her so he chose instead to prepare her to reawaken.

He scooted the chair back over to the table and gently sat her down in it. Folding her arms across the table Spock softly placed her head down on top of them before stealing a lick across her rounded ears with a hum. She was his even if she would never come to know it.

He stroked lovingly at her hair and sniffed at her perfume as it wafted into the air. Lilacs. Spock had always preferred the jasmine scent on her personally but she would always change them with her mood, hoping that one day he was say something, anything about her from what he gathered through the melds.

His jaw flexed in hopes of marking her again as his gaze fell upon her neck but not now. One day he would do so and leave it for all to see but that would be the day she approached him and told him she wanted him. For now, they had this, well, more like he had this.

He rested three fingers across her temple, the same three he had fucked her with earlier and whispered into her ear.

" Forget." he commanded and watched her expression flicker as her memory of her tutorial today was eroded. He was careful to leave the pronunciation of the Gol dialect intact as well as her arrival and speech practice. A present to his little doll as much as it was a cover.

He gathered his things and put everything else back into place before working the kink out of her muscle, waking Nyota up with a gentle caress to her back.

" Are you well?" Spock inquired, his expression placid in the face of everything that had happened.

She blinked at him bleary eyed and nodded. " Yeah I'm sorry I don't know what happened. Ugh, I'm so tired and sore, it must be those late nighters and P.T. catching up with me. "

"No need to apologize, Cadet. You were studying and then you were passed out asleep on the table. I did not want to disturb you until it was time for you to go." Not a lie, but also far from the whole truth.

She yawned and stretched and he watched her like a cat does a bird outside the window. Only this cat found a way to open the window and catch his prey. He smiled quickly to himself as she noted the time and excused herself for class.

" This Thursday at 10a.m. is our next session, correct?" she chirped innocently.

He nodded and cycled the door open for her. " Yes, be sure to get some sleep, Cadet. You will need it if you wish to keep up with my lessons."

She nodded and absentmindedly rubbed at the spot where he had bitten her. " Yes sir."

Before she left out he gave her a small token of appreciation. " I noted that you are wearing lilac today. While the scent is enjoyable I prefer the jasmine oil you wear."

She blushed and beamed with a shy smile. " Oh, really? Oh well,...I will remember that."

And she hurried down the hallway before disappearing into the turbolift.

" Yes, Nyota. That, you will remember." he purred.

 


	2. It will all be a bad memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock seeks out Nyota's help in getting books for his class when he sees something that triggers him once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tough chapter but tied for the worst. I promise to post one fluffy, humor fic from Lamb's ear to make up for this LOL.

Nyota was busying shelving book and retrieving others as she thought over what she would wear tonight when she went out with Gaila.

 

Her roommate had heard about a hot new club that took up a whole 10 story building. Each floor had a different color lighting and decor that could be found throughout the alpha quadrant.

 

Nyota had to admit she was curious about the Vulcan floor but she didn't want to spend too much time there as it was sure to remind her of a special someone who barely gave her the time of day. She heard that the Betazoid and Deltan floors were the most 'alluring' and that's where Gaila wanted to drag her tonight.

 

The cadet sighed softly as she pondered the truth. In all honesty she was very excited about a night away from books, equations and translations to run into the open arms of music, drinks and male attention. She instantly thought of Spock as the male she wanted attention from and huffed out a frustrated breath. He wouldn't be there and she only wanted him. Too bad he wanted nothing to do with her.

 

"If only he wasn't so gorgeous." She groaned, reaching up onto her toes to store one of the books in her arms.

 

"Cadet Uhura."

 

She jumped and shirked in surprise, all her books sailing through the air before falling to the ground. She turned, finding herself eyeing his chest before looking up to his placid face as she blushed up at him in surprise. Did he hear her? Would he guess that she was talking about him if he had? In her musing he had bent down and retrieved the discarded books at her feet with his head tilted slightly as if he were puzzling something.

 

" Oh thank you, sir! How embarrassing! I'm so sorry, you just startled me. I thought I was alone..."

 

She sheepishly took the books he collected and held them to her chest like a security blanket.

 

At this Spock delicately raised an eyebrow and settled his hands behind his back. " A strange assumption for you to make as this is a public building."

 

She scrunched her face and furrowed her brows. " I didn't hear you coming, sir. Remember I don't have quite the sharp hearing that you do, Commander."

 

If she wasn't looking at his mouth she might not have caught his lips giving a slight twitch upward. She did a double take but it was gone as fast as it came.

 

" Cadet, I sought you out for your assistance. As you are a highly skilled linguistic student, I surmised that you would be able to help me locate seven books for my phonology class this upcoming semester."

 

She was stunned. He sought her out to help him? Maybe this would be a small way of repaying him for all his time spent teaching her Vulcan dialects! She would have thought that he would have gone to the department head for his curriculum materials though but she didn’t think over that too long. " What about your teacher aide this semester?"

 

He closed his eyes for a moment and she admired his dark lashes splayed out across his cheeks. " I find him to be incompetent for most tasks aside for scheduling my calendar and sorting my emails. He would be unfit in finding books adequate for my student to obtain the information needed for a decent final paper in comparison to you."

 

She gave a shy smile at his backhanded compliment at his new TA's expense. She forgot that the Commander did have a sense of humor that was both subtle and blunt.

 

" Yes, sir. Is there a certain language that's being focused on? Certain languages are located at different wings. One for Federation and the other for non."

 

"Yes, I am aware. We will be concentrating on Ferengi."

 

" This way, Commander." she said with a smile and began walking to the non Federation planet reference.

 

" You may call me Spock when we are at ease."

 

She nodded. " Okay, Spock. Then you should call me Nyota."

 

He nodded and followed a few steps behind her in strides smooth and leisurely.

Inside her chest, Nyota's heart fluttered and she did a happy dance within her mind. Wow, we're on a first name basis! I wonder if that's big? Before she could think more on it they were at the Alpha/Gamma wing of the library and she started plucking off books that she felt would meet Spock's standards for thorough explanations and definitions. She wanted to hurry so she could get back to her room in time to shower and get ready for her night out.

 

She spied the rules of acquisition higher up on the shelf and knew that was one book she couldn't pass up. " Spock could you bring over over one of the shelving ladders so I can grab that book?"

 

He nodded and went off in search of a ladder. When he left, Nyota allowed herself one fist pump and a small whispered Yes!. He was so ignorant of how handsome he was that it made her want to jump for joy. Just the way I like them she thought giggling impishly.

 

He returned carrying the ladder in one hand and she had to stop her jaw from dropping. The shelving ladders depending on their size were anywhere from 115 to 225 lbs of solid oak, and here was Spock in a casual show of strength hauling this thing around like it was a mug of coffee. He set it down next to her, lining it up with the requested book. " You may ascend. I will brace the ladder for your safety."

 

She spared him a small smile and started up the ladder. Reaching the top she bent over and fetched the book, proudly looking down at him with a grin. " Got it! That makes ten total for you to choose from."

 

She noticed Spock seemed flushed when he nodded curtly up at her. " Come down and bring the four more books to study room 2A. I would prefer fourteen to choose from."

 

As she was climbing down Nyota gasped when she felt his strong hands lock around her waist, picking her up and gently placing her on the ground. It was so forward of him being the reserved Vulcan that he was that she wouldn’t have believed it if she wasn’t the one experiencing it. Maybe being around human all the time was rubbing off on him." Thank you, Spock."

 

He stared at her but said nothing as he took his leave, gathering the books that she had already stacked and headed off towards the study cube. The other four books didn't take too long to find, there was only so much written about the Ferengi and most of it dealt with their love of a new currency called gold pressed latinum.

 

On her way up to the study room cube, Nyota paused in front of a window, checking her reflection to see that her teeth were clean of her lunch and tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ears. Maybe he'll notice I wore my jasmine perfume today or maybe he'll notice my new lipstick shade she mused.

 

The feminist in her groaned heavily at her preening but she couldn't help how bubbly he made her feel. Gaila would never think that she'd be the one bouncing around like a love struck teen but then again her roommate only saw the professor as a Vulcan male, unbearably hot and unobtainable.

 

Nyota however saw him as Spock, her ever-curious, naive, dry-humored alien crush. If only he would stop teaching and ask her out on a date.

 

She scoffed and shook her head, like that was ever going to happen.

 

She exhaled as the door swished open, her hopes and dreams dissipating within her mind as she caught sight Spock pouring over the books on the table. She gently placed down the four in her arms on the opposite corner and waited for him to acknowledge her.

 

He did so languidly, as if he were not pressed for time. " Thank you, Nyota. Your selected ten were very insightful. I believe I will increase the required reading to accommodate the other three. Leave the other four there, I may include them on the syllabus as recommended reading.

Nyota winced as she thought of the cadets that would be on the receiving end of that syllabus. She loved the challenge his classes provided when he had been her professor but she didn't miss his reading assignments in the least. He rested his chin upon steepled fingers and sat watching her. When he remained silent, Nyota started to fidget under his dark, unblinking gaze. Scratch that he was blinking but only with his nictitating membranes as they fluttered over his eyes from the corners.

 

" Well, if that's all, I'll take my leave. Let me know if you need anything else, Spock."

 

She turned to leave and reaching down to check the time on her comm when she felt his hand take ahold of her elbow. She swiveled in his grip to look at him and he caught her chin in his other hand. He was now glaring down at her, a low rumbling emanating from his chest. Her eyes grew wide in shock. " Sir?"

 

He growled and she shrunk back in fear. " Spock, you're hurting me." She felt proud that she kept her voice from wavering.

 

" I have meditated on the thought 37 separate occasion trying to find the answer as to why you hold yourself away from me.", he spat out.

 

" What, what are you talking about? Let me go!" She began to panic. Spock was an alien and came from a culture she was still learning about but this was beyond strange even for him. Vulcans aren’t known for snatching people up let alone coming out of nowhere with anger accusations.

 

She tried turning her head but he wouldn't let her go. Squirming hard in his grip Nyota sought to free herself but Spock held her more firmly until she whimpered and stilled her body.

 

" Do not play coy with me, Nyota. As someone well versed in Vulcan culture you saw no shame in parading yourself about in a flirtatious fashion in front of me. From buying me tea to requesting any open aide position under my supervision. Wearing one arousing perfume after another, sharing your mealtimes with me and allowing me serve you but your eyes gave you away when none of the other signs were present. Your pupils dilate whenever I speak to you and even wider whenever I say your first name."

 

He roughly tilted her head up and inspected her eyes. " Though your mind would say otherwise, your body has been calling to me and I have been hard pressed to ignore answering it."

 

He slowly leaned in and softly brushed his lips across hers. When she didn't protest, he pressed his mouth against hers gently at first but it became something more crushing by the end of it. When he broke their kiss, Nyota felt his chest rumble with something that sounded like a purr but instead of cat she pictured a crocodile.

 

Nyota was at a lost. Spock and everything about this situation seemed to be coming out of left field. If he had noticed her attraction towards him then why didn't he say anything about it earlier? And why the hell would he angry about her supposed 'flirting' with him? Nyota's fear morphed into something more resentful and she pulled away from him once more.

 

" Just because I ate with you and would wear nice perfumes didn't mean I was flirting with you! I don't know the first thing about flirting with a Vulcan!"

 

He surged forward and pinned her against the wall, growling once more inches from her face. " Do not lie to me! I will not tolerate it! You mean to convince me that you would show any male passing by your underwear?"

 

She stop wriggling in his grip and shot him a look of confusion. " What are you even talking about!"

 

He baulked away from her face and narrowed his eyes, his features appearing all the more alien up close.

 

" You still deny it? At the top of the ladder did you not bend over, unnecessarily so to retrieve the book of acquisition rules? And did you not at that time present your body hidden beneath your skirt? Even as I helped you down my suspicions were confirmed when I smelled your arousal through your clothing. Do not continue you lie to me, Nyota."

 

His voice had grown rough and more accented as if he were about to slipped into speaking Vulcan.

 

She blushed and dropped her gaze from his. She had no idea that he could see up her skirt. How many other things had he taken the wrong way and read as a tease?

 

" It is not within regulation."

 

She looked at him again, bewildered. " What?"

 

She gasped as he reached underneath the hem of her skirt with one hand and grazed a finger across the fabric covering her mound. " Your panties are not up to code and I am willing to wager that your brassiere is not within regulations either."

 

She was stunned. She stood there wedged against the wall, wondering where this was all leading to when he told her to strip in Vulcan. " Excuse me?"

 

" As your commanding officer it is my duty and within my right to see that you met the dress code. Remove your clothing and let me verify that your undergarments meet the code."

 

" Spock, you can't make..."

 

" I can. That's an order Cadet."

 

He released his hold of her and ordered the room to lock the door and not open unless he commanded the computer to do so using voice recognition. With no window no one would have any idea of what was happening to her in the soundproof room. Who was this Mr. Hyde that had replaced her gentle Spock?

 

She swallowed nervously and wiggled out of her skirt and slipped off her jacket. Spock continued to watch her like a tiger waiting to pounce as she pulled off her gray undershirt, revealing a lacy bra that she donned across her chest as she shivered from nerves and the cold air brushing her skin.

 

Spock paced back and forth in front of her, his eyes glancing about her body as if she were some equation he was attempting to solve.

 

" Just as I thought." He said slipping a long finger between the band of Nyota's thong and her skin. " These do not meet code 34.5.17 section 1a in the least." He grabbed her by the waist and turned her to face the wall. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt his fingers trail lazily down her backside. " Remove your undergarments."

 

She shook her head. " No, I..." She stopped mid-protest at the sting of fabric biting into her skin. In one fluid motion Spock rid her of her underwear and was tucking them into the top pocket of his uniform.

 

" You will not need these."

 

He slipped another finger underneath her bra but Nyota, not wanting he to ruin another piece of underwear quickly released the clasp at the front.

 

He pulled the lacy cloth from her body and examined it. " This is very aesthetically pleasing." He walked away from her, feeling the fabric with his fingers. " Did you wear these for someone in particular?"

 

His voice almost came across as hopefully to Nyota's ears though she was too livid to care. She felt utterly humiliated standing naked before him and she had no explanation as to why it was happening.

 

This isn't how it was suppose to be. She was supposed to be awkwardly romanced, then he would suggest they date regularly as a way of saying he wanted to go steady with her. They would fall in love with each other in their own way, hers human, his Vulcan and when the time was right they would marry. She felt so stupid for indulging in such a teenage fantasy, especially now with Spock acting like a total odious creep. She tried to hide herself from him with her arms.

Spock was now directly behind her dragging his feverish hands around her body leaving goosebumps in their wake. “ Ni e’tum, Nyota...t’nash veh Nyota…”

 

He firmly placed her arms at her sides and reached up to cup her breasts. He rolled her nipples between his fingers, gently alternating between tugging them or brushing them with the pad of his thumb. Without any warning he gave the stiff buds an experimental pinch watching Nyota jerk against his touch. She balled her fists and shivered. It was hard to not react to Spock when he was doing things to her she only thought possible in her dreams. Or nightmare.

 

The Vulcan leaned into her, still playing with her breasts as she silently cursed herself when she felt her bottom press back against him. Damn her traitorous body and damn his amazing hands.

 

" Do you want me to stop touching you?" He murmured into her ear while nuzzling her neck.

She felt herself tear up when she weakly shook her head no. Spock let down her hair with a chuckle, burying his face into the inky black cascade with a pleased hum. " You did not answer my earlier question, Nyota. Who was the underwear for?"

 

His breath on her neck felt like desert wind behind her, hot and dry. It almost felt like it was burning her skin.

 

" I wore them for...myself, sir." She screamed when he pinched her nipples again the pain traveling down to her clit and converting to pleasure.

 

" Do. Not. Lie..."

 

He twirled Nyota around to face him and pushed her against the wall once more, using his hot, heavy body to hold her there. “ Stop it!”

 

Spock took his left hand and held the fingers against her temple and cheek.

" Nanp, hif-bi tu throks. ( Your thoughts, give them to me.)"

 

Then she felt him. Spock was inside of her mind, a burning heat racing from thought to thought, looking, searching for something. She faintly heard herself pleading, for what she wasn't sure. After a moment he stop. He snatched something within her and she groaned. He was looking for himself within her mind, any thoughts and feeling she may have held. He ravished each daydream and idle question she had formed about him, viewing each with a validation for his own feelings and actions. Before she could think to not focus on him he found her memories of buying the underwear.

 

Gaila had thought the undies would give her more confidence in speaking with Spock.

 

" Clothes may make the man, but a woman's lingerie are his undoing." She chirped happily.

 

Nyota went from rack to rack finally selecting a pastel lacy set.

 

" The Lieutenant Commander is sure to enjoy those!" Gaila beamed.

 

The vision wavered and she suddenly back nude in the white study room detained by her former teacher. And horny. She moaned and pressed her chest against his.

 

His earlier purr returned and he knelt before her. " I'm sorry, emotional transference is a common side effect of mind melding and it seems that my little doll got infected with my desire."

 

He pushed with his hands at her cleft and she spread her legs. He leisurely smoothed his fingers across her mound, spreading her labia before latching his mouth against her clit. Nyota cried out and dug her hands into his hair, scraping her nails against his scalp. It was a strange feeling to both want so much more and less of him as he went about licking her with his dry, barbed tongue.

 

Spock purred and lapped against her slick folds as if she were a bowl a cream and she found it harder and harder to stand any longer. Sensing her buckling knees the alien male pulled her legs over his shoulders and stood up holding her in place with his hands each cupping a plump, juicy cheek of her bottom.

 

He had barely been at it for a minute when she felt the tell tale signs of a orgasm coiling low in her belly. She no longer fought or held back from him knowing Spock to be too strong to fend off. She bucked against his tongue and sought her release with a whimper. He snarled pushed her back against the wall spreading her legs further apart with her knees up around her chest. He dipped a finger into her center quickly followed by another digit and pumped them into her. She wailed and rode them as he resumed his oral assault. His sharp canines scraped across her velvety flesh bringing her closer to the edge.

 

" Sanoi Spohkh. ( Please Spock)" She whined. She was so close that she was sure he could send her over the edge.

 

His contented purr vibrated against her clit taking her higher but when he took her hand into his and spoke within her mind she began to crumble.

 

/Sarlah, Valsarik. Sarlah, nom-tor limuk ( Come, beautiful one. Come on this-one's face)/

 

She trembled and held his hair to keep from falling off his shoulders. But there was no danger there. Spock was hungrily lapping up all the moisture that her climax extracted out of her and had her in a iron grip. She looked down to see his face glazed with her passion and watched with fascination when he licked his lips with his long green tongue. He fasten onto her clit once more and added another finger into her still pulsing flesh.

 

/ Va'ashiv. Sarlah. ( Once more/again, come.)/ He groaned into her mind, pushing all his desire against her.

 

He nipped her with his teeth and flicked his rough tongue against her like no human would have been able to. She sobbed as he wrenched yet another orgasm from her body. She had yet to recover when he pulled her from his shoulders and laid her against the cold metal table. The frigid surface shocked her system and Nyota struggled to right herself and get off of it. He held her down gathering her wrists in one hand above her head while the other fumbling with freeing his lok from his pants. She shook her head frantically.

 

" Spock, I don't have a condom."

 

" Why would you."

 

He rubbed his engorged, bulky cock across her sopping sex, gathering her wetness onto the blunt head for a smooth entry.

 

Nyota however resumed wrestling against his hold. She was not going to get pregnant just because he couldn't wait to get a condom. " Stop it Spock, wait!"

 

He snarled, leaning forward in a flash and held her throat between his teeth. He nipped her gently. A warning and she found herself needing no other reminder. He lined himself up and speared her upon his lok with an enthusiastic pump of his hips. She cried out with a moan under the hold of his jaw, her breath ragged as he pushed and pulled his way deeper, filling her weeping sex and imprisoning her beneath him. His other hand went to her hip locking on in painful hold as he started to pound into her with an inhuman that rattled her teeth. “ Spock! Sanoi pehkaya! T’du dash-tor nash veh! ( Spock, please stop, you are hurting this one)”

 

Spock ignored her wailing pleas and released her hip to ply his fingers against hers, sending his pleasure seeping into her body. She shivered and called his name again, both in protest and rapture. Once he had a steady rhythm he took the hand from her wrists and caressed her over-sensitatized nub. It irritated her and she squirmed her hips to rid herself of his touch. He growled against her throat and ground into her harder. Releasing her throat he loomed above her. " Do not deny me, Nyota. Know that you are mine."

 

She started to cry and softly whispered no. Is this what it meant to be a Vulcan's mate? To have her pleasure drawn out of her against her will? " Spock, please. No." She whimpered.

 

But he did not please and he did not listen. He went from fondling her clit to fisting her hair and pulling it so that her neck was fully exposed to his tongue and teeth. In between bites he would speak to her in Vulcan, calling her most beautiful, most precious but mostly his female.

 

She cried out at the first three bites though his salvia helped to soothe the burn of the marks. The rest was a blur as she fought to numb herself and to want the numbness. She wanted Spock but not this Spock. She wanted to have sex with him but not...not this.

 

" Are you mine, Nyota?" He slammed his hips into her and she keened. How was it that she was so close to coming once more? She shook with effort to contain herself but he only continued to stroke her desire. He stared into her eyes as he took her, no longer interested in marking her. Now he had his sights set on claiming her. " Are you mine?"

 

She had always wanted to be but now she wasn't sure that could ever be. Why would he ever take her so forcefully? Yes he pleased her but she had said no, and been coerced to shed her clothing. " Why Spock?"

 

He hummed and knelt down to smell her, not listening to her voice and only taking pleasure from his scent upon her. He was so-resh. Mad, his logic warped and twisted. What had caused it she didn’t even begin to know. She only knew that she was trapped until she submitted to his madness.

 

She regretted even thinking about what she was going to say but she knew Spock not to be in his right mind. " I am yours."

 

He stopped and gazed upon her with heated eyes. " Mine."

 

"Yours." she sobbed.

 

He pressed his body firmly against her bit at the slender column of her neck beneath her jaw. She screamed and thrashed against him as he picked up his pace. It teeth hurt so much, it didn't matter how good his hot, branding dick felt. That was until Spock bumped foreheads with her and poured all of his want, desire and affection into her. She was blinded, his feelings so great within her that she lost sight of who or what she was. At one moment she was Nyota, crying beneath her former professor and the next she was Passion alive and burning. Her back arched against him as she called his name once more as she came with a jerk.

 

Clamping down on him in her ecstasy made him falter and he found himself following after her into his own bliss.

 

"Nyota!" He growled into her neck as his hips gave a few more thrust, spilling himself within her but pulling away from caging her within his knot’s hold.

 

They lay panting on the table a wet, sticky awkward mess as she resumed struggled to get from under him. He was so heavy so she was gasping for air. He shifted a bit but still held her pinned to the table. Nyota was exhausted but adrenaline had spiked her energy. She had to run, had to leave! She had to hide from him until she could find help.

 

Spock looked over to her read her panic and blinked. " You do not have to run from me. I love you, Nyota."

 

At this she felt her skin prickle and she stared at him in wide eye shock. Love her? How could he possibly love her? He had taken her body and her mind, and he supposedly loved her? Bullshit.

 

" It is true. Vulcans do not lie."

 

She flinched as he stroked her hair, rubbing his thumb against her temple. " Do not worry, my little sable doll. This will all be a bad memory."

 

And when she blinked she was in her room, lying on her bed dressed to go. She check the chromometer and she still had 15 minutes to meet Gaila at the club on time. She rubbed her head and exhaled. " What a horrible dream." she whispered.

 

She snatched up her purse along with her keys, comm and wallet and headed downtown with no memory of how she had already showered and dressed for the evening.

 

 


	3. Into the Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyota goes out and finds someone like she wants as Spock stays home and thinks about who he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter you gain a little look into Spock's mind but only towards the end. Thank you for reading.

Club Abyss towered above her in ten soaring floors in black granite and smoky glass and already packed with plenty of patrons by the time Nyota arrived. She tugged at her skirt as she ran up to hug Gaila which the Orion returned with a tight squeeze and an arched eyebrow.

 

“ Oh bad girl…!” she said sniffing at her hair which still smelled of sex and sweat but Nyota thought that the comment was in reference to her apparel which she performed a small twirl for. “ I know, wicked!”

 

Gaila smirked at her as she worked her magic with the bouncers. Both of the doormen were Orions themselves and were happy to see Gaila and Nyota in as they grunted with approval at their retreating forms as they disappeared into the inky, techno colored darkness of the club’s interior.

  
  


The first room the entered was cast in a bright, pulsing purple and mostly composed a few ottomans lining the side of a large colorfully light dance floor with a circular bar right smack dab in the middle.

 

Gaila made a beeline for the bar, pulling Nyota’s slim frame through the crowd as the moved in time with the thumping bass.  “ A San Fran forecast for me and my lady, good sir…” Gaila smiled, pulling at her necklace above her ample cleavage as she ran the pendent back and forth along its chain. The bartender winked in conformation and prepared their drinks with flair, using the tall glasses in front of him as a medium to hold the dark burning liquid they would soon drain down.

 

Nyota scoped the crowd until she felt the gentle bump of her drink touching her hand.

" How much?" she yelled above the boom of the music. The Bartender shook his head and smiled, waving them off.

 

Nyota raised her brows and gave Gaila a very happy grin. " Wow, they love you here!" she said

near Gaila's ear.

 

" They love me everywhere, Ny!" she yelled out into the club and was greeted with the roar of cheers from man dancing nearby. She looked at Nyota with a wink and a smirk.

 

Nyota took in the sight of her drink. The glass interior was a swirl of gray and fog, little waves of mist pouring over out of the brim. Gaila touched Nyota arm, pointing to their drinks and blew on both of them. The instant her breath touched the liquid the thick fog dissipated and the drink beneath turned a bright, electric blue. Both girls shot it back in one gulp, coughing and smiling as the liquor took effect as it raced down their throats. It was going to be a great night.

 

The emerald alien tugged at her human companion’s arm and gestured towards the stairwell and lift area. “ Let’s go exploring, Ny!”

 

She licked at the last of her drink beading on her waxy lip gloss and nodded with a giddy shiver.

 

They headed towards the turbolift and when they entered Gaila ordered for the 8th floor. The lift shot up and spun open to reveal a ruby red lit floor. Cushions and throws were strewn about haphazardly making their own little dance floor areas.

 

The tinny sound of Orion music floated through the air and Nyota happily ran out to join the dance. Orions were many things but bad dancers they were not. Even the giants males swayed with an impossible smoothness as they moved their burly weight with surprising ease. The females danced as well but they were busy gathering male attention as a playful game of sorts to be the most alluring female of the floor.

 

Nyota knew she was no competition for their pheromones but she could teach them a new thing or two when it came to dancing. All over the United States of Africa, people love to dance, making up new ones every week or so. A dance move from a month ago was considered old news in Nairobi.

 

She dipped and swayed her hips and surprisingly managed to gain a partner. Gaila gave her a smug smirk as she hung of her own dance partner, a Andorian who at that point probably didn't know up from down he was so drunk.

 

Nyota twirled and twisted around him in a easy show of grace and the male seemed quite pleased at her attention. He mimicked her movements, only slightly less gracefully than Nyota herself and grinned at her look of approval. A handsome looking Betazoid a moppy head of auburn hair came and replaced the blue alien, ushering the other male out as she saddled up closer to Nyota’s swaying hips. She had almost thought him human until she caught sight of his big black eyes roving over her. There was no mistaking those.

 

They stayed for a few more songs until he took her hands and nodded towards the turbolift. Nyota waved to Gaila and pointed to her comm in case she needed her and left with her 'date'. In the white light of the tubrolift, the Betazoid looked even more mouth-watering, full up-tilted lips and happy looking almond shaped eyes that distracted her as she tried checking out the medium build to his tall frame.

 

" You like Deltan drinks and desserts?" he asked and at her nod he ordered up to floor 10.

 

The lift opened to a dimly lit area surround with plush lounge chairs and parlor tables. Cool white LED lights embedded into the black floors, walls and ceiling twinkled and shimmered like tiny little stars as they walked along the floor.

 

He took her hand lead her to an open table setting and sat next to her on the chaise lounge. Nyota looked over as she ordered a couple of things and meet his eyes when he turned around.

 

Wow, he was really beautiful she thought happily. He smiled and looked very bashful.

 

" You really think I'm beautiful?"

 

She looked confused as to why he knew what she was thinking and then looked shocked as she hadn't been training any of her thoughts to more polite things. " I'm so sorry, should have been more careful."

 

He waved her apology away. " No I think you're beautiful too, I just didn't know if I was projecting my feelings onto you. I’ll try my best to respect your privacy."

 

She scrunched her nose and asked him to hold back on his emotions and he nodded when he had done so. She looked him over and shook her head. " Nope, still gorgeous." she giggled as he joined in her laughter.

 

Their order soon arrived popping up from inside the table. Two Deltan whiskeys and a ice cream of the same origin. He handed her a glass but stopped her before she downed it. " Have you ever had one of these?"

 

She shook her hand no and he chuckled. " Boy, are you in for a surprise. Look at me and drink it slowly. The slower you drink it, the better it feels."

 

Nyota narrowed her eyes at his crypticness but did as he asked, more curious than leery. She held his gaze, watching him drink his as she leisurely let the liquid slip into her mouth. It was cold but grew warmer as it traveled down into her chest. Nyota gasped and wiggled as she felt a sudden and wild arousal seize her. She moaned into the glasses, gulping the rest down. Her body melted and she felt flush with pleasure. Everything from her hair follicles to her toe nails felt at ease. She saw the Betazoid's eyes flutter close and his mouth part. If he was feeling anything like her, then he was practically a puddle of goo.

 

She giggled and his eyes gradually opened.

 

" Wow, I need a drink like that after finals end. Oh my goodness!" she laughed again. It had been a long time since she had felt so relaxed, that she wanted to relish the moment. Lately her body had felt like a series of tight, painful knots and her muscles were sore despite taking it easy during her daily conditioning class. She couldn’t think of what she was doing that was making everything hurt so badly especially her neck and surprisingly her groin which felt like they had been bruised.

 

He must have picked up on her thoughts once more because he gently took her by the shoulders and pressed her down onto the chaise. He reached over and took a spoon full of the ice cream.

" Open."

 

She obliged and he slipped the spoon between her lips. Her eyes flared open in surprise. It was hot! She started to say something but it chilled within her mouth. Flavors similar to tart lemon and raspberry filled her mouth and she hummed in delight. Swallowing the dessert she noted that the flavors changed to something sweeter like strawberry and kiwi. She looked to her date who smiled innocently.

 

" The Deltans like to take please in all things. How can you know the pleasures of something warm if you've never experienced something cool. How can you enjoy relaxation without first having tension? By the way I didn't introduce myself, my name is Yorri Jakine." he said with a slight nod of his head.

 

Nyota nodded at his statement and spoke her own in fluent Betazion. " Nyota. Pleased to meet you. Thanks for the company and the nice view."

 

He looked happily surprised and went on to talk to her about his travels around the quadrant, many food mishaps along the way and his love of all things terran. " Everything is so new here. Just when I think I have earth all figured out, you humans and your planet do something to surprise me."

 

She smiled and fed him some of the ice cream. He stared her as he accepted the sweet, licking the spoon on its retreat. Nyota shivered and not in a good way. Something about the way he looked at her, scared her but she couldn't place it. He frowned and furrowed his brows. " I'm sorry did I upset you? Are you okay?"

 

Nyota shook her head and looked up at his crestfallen face. " I don't know what came over me. I like you a lot it's just that I got a weird feeling right then. Not from you, I just...I don't know."

 

He felt her confusion and nodded. " It's okay I'm not trying to rush you into anything. I'm just really enjoying my time with you and you're so...you're really sexy it's hard to not try and let you know it. More ice cream, my queen?"

 

Nyota laughed and playfully batted at his arm, the feeling from earlier a distant memory. She felt safe with Yorri, and he had been very much the gentleman even when he could have made a move on her after she drank that whiskey. And she would have let him too. She was dying to kiss him.

 

His eyebrows skipped a bit and he smirked at her unspoken dialogue. He leaned over her and hovered his face above hers. He was letting her lead and grant him permission. She tilted her head a bit and kissed him.

 

Yorri’s lips were plush and cool, like a pillow when you first went to bed at night, comforting and relaxing though it made you shiver. Feeling bolder after her fearful spell Nyota parted her lips and slowly ran her tongue across the seam of his mouth. He opened to her gently and they both groaned as their tongues embraced each other for the first time in long timid strokes.

 

Though they tried to keep it PG-13, Nyota started to notice they were gaining the attention of others when they broke the kiss to come up for air. She looked up into Yorri's onyx colored eyes and asked him with a thought.

 

He nodded and helped her up from where she was reclined. He paid with a tip and they were both off towards the turbolift. She texted Gaila that she wanted the room tonight which Gaila was only too happy to allow her. The Orion had it as her personal mission to get Nyota laid as much as possible so tonight was now bordering mission complete though if she had asked the Orion would have already checked that box earlier with the scent of Spock and his semen still heavily hanging in her hair.

 

They went in through the side entrance with a trick that Kirk had taught her and quietly made their way to her room. She opened the door and glanced at him as she motioned him inside the dark interior. He walked in and looked around in interest, taking care to not touch anything. She watched him from the doorway and unbuckled her heels. She stopped, suddenly nervous and self-conscious. He smiled gently and closed the space between them. " Do not be nervous, little one. I have a lot more to be self-conscious about."

 

And with that he shed his long sleeve shirt, slacks, socks and shoes and stood before her in only his boxers. Nyota breath caught as she took in the myriad of scars covering his body. Burns, cuts and tooth marks blanketed his arms, legs and torso. " A bad run in with some Klingons and their pet targs. I use to be a looker but now...most folks are afraid to look at me..."

 

Nyota looked from his chest to his eyes and began to strip once more that day only this time she wanted to. She stepped out from the clothing pooled at her feet and reached out to brush his chest. She leaned in and kissed his sternum, feeling his arms embrace her. She wanted to feel loved and cherished and she wanted it from him, someone who was looking for the same. No commitments but no holding back she thought.

 

He said yes aloud and picked her up and laid her on the bed. They took it slowly, kissing and caressing each other languidly as they exchanged heated words of longing. When their mouths were busy and unable to speak, Yorri spoke within her mind, making her soften. He could feel her willingness and slowly pushed his way inside her. She arched and moaned, lacing her arms around his neck as they leisurely rocked against one another.

 

The combination of the whiskey, affection and acceptance had them both not wanting to rush what they would share for the night. They came and went back at it after 30 minutes or so, this time up against the wall, Nyota's thigh's cradled in the crook of his arms melting at the Betazoid’s tenderness. Yorri thrilled her in a way, made her hope for a future of making love to the one meant for her.

 

He was so sweet, showering her with kisses, playfully nibbling on her sides pretending to be an animal of some sort in search of food then finally feasting upon her. As the night wound down, they washed each other in the shower only to mate once more on all fours as the water rained down upon their runting forms. Nyota laughed as he tried and failed to fit in a clean P.T. shirt of hers and pulled into into bed beside her. Yorri shifted her in his arms and moved her plaint out of the way, cuddling her back and sighing into her skin. “ Thank you…”

 

Nyota hummed and snuggled back stroking his hands.

 

She moved after a bit and turned to face him. They stared at each other, touching at the other’s face as if trying to memorize them.

 

" Until tomorrow." she smiled.

 

He smiled back. " Until tomorrow." and fell asleep without a worry about the future.

 

Spock sighed and rose from where he had been meditating. It was yet another failed attempt to cool his fevered mind. He wandered over to his comm console off to the side of his bed and checked his messages. 57 waiting to be opened, 51 from his family probably 49 of which concerning his welfare after she asked for their bond to be severed and free to mate with another.

 

His eye twitched at the thought of her and Stonn together happily bonded and he closed his eyes with a growl.

 

Ever since T'Pring shed herself of their bond he had felt restless, hungry and agitated.

 

It was not like plak-tow, which he fended off last time with the help of a Deltan that he had met while visiting Abyss. She had allowed his touch, to release his strength to its full force, thrilled and giddy from the blood fever that he shared with her. Her telepathy was put to good use and she allowed herself to appear as Nyota, the female closest to him aside from his mother, within his mind's eyes. He took, he owned her, marking her in every way her could.

 

Only after the fever had passed and the Deltan rose to leave did she take care to warn him.

 

" You need a bondmate, Vulcan. Perhaps the pretty woman you pictured? Your control and logic is slipping from your mind.” she said, covering the bites marring her body with a long knit dress and sweater.

 

He nodded but made no comment as to his condition. What could be done?

 

“ Thank you for the experience it is not one I shall soon forget." she smiled.

 

She casually brushed his fingers and walked out of the door. It was true, with each new encounter with Nyota he could feel himself escalating. For now the library study cubes were enough, but what was he to do when they were no longer?

 

He did fantasy during his time of meditation of bonding with Nyota, locking her to himself for the rest of her life, each of them finding love and contentment from the other but he could not deny the other disturbing fantasies he had of her as of late.

 

The others were he took her in front of the other Vulcans found on the 3rd floor of Abyss. Or the one where he had Nyota put her mouth upon his lok as he taught class beneath his desk, his hands cradling her head. And the most disconcerting and recurrent one of taking Nyota in the deserts of Vulcan were her screams echoed out into the desert wind with no one there to hear her cries but him.

 

But she was not his...not yet. He need her permission to form a marriage bond and for that one reason only he suffered and waited because what little logic he had checked him from doing so.

  
" Perhaps tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow as always holds promise of a new beginning. I wait for you Nyota, you only need ask and I will give you everything." He closed his hand around the flame of the aesoni, relishing the burn and pain caused by the dying flame.


	4. Vulcan emotions are poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disturbances with Spock have run deeper than his use of Nyota's body and mind but he doesn't confront them until it could be too late for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of smut and even more feels in this chapter. It's jumpy but reads okay

Spock walked about the city restlessly unable to gain the quiet he needed to go to sleep.

 

The tall Vulcan wondered around aimlessly, looking at people but not seeing them. The hardware store near his apartment was just opening, ready to take on its early rising construction customers when it caught Spock’s eye.

 

He figured he might find a better selections of razors here, the ones found in supermarkets grew dull very quickly and he wanted something that could slice into him as deep as it could clean.

 

Spock walked in to the rank smell of soil, fertilizer and metal. He browsed the aisles casually, running his fingers over the occasional item before coming to a stop right in front of the rope.

 

His mind turned and clicked as he selected a bright yellow nylon bundle. Wouldn't his beloved look beautiful laced up with the bright rope against her dark skin? All the things they could do when she was bound played out in his mind as he set the item back on the shelf. It was too rough for her skin, he wanted to thrill her not hurt her. Maybe he could tie her up and lick cocoa and cinnamon off of her straining back? And perhaps cut her too?

 

He shook his head and continued in his search for the razors.

 

Or maybe she could bleed him herself, as a way of letting her know he was sorry for any discomfort he may have caused her. H

 

e imagined himself bound to a chair, Nyota wielding a small blade right before running the tip against his chest. The wound trickled rivulets of emerald green down his torso and onto the chair as he hissed at her. She smiled at him as she made a series of shallow incisions across his lok, following the trail of ridges and bumps as she lapped the blood running down the shaft and suckled at the head. He imagined himself begging her for forgiveness while pressing her not to stop before he ejaculated within her warm mouth. His dream Nyota granted him this and grinned wickedly with a swirl white and green running down her chin. He wanted that pain from her. Not like how she hurt him with her strange reluctance and the tears she shed.

 

No, Spock wanted to show Nyota that he knew how to make sex exciting for her, that was all. She always had a good time with him both standing beside and underneath him.

 

He had wanted her from the day he saw her, beautiful African princess that she was to him. Regal yet approachable, she had him yearning to be separated from T'Pring so Nyota could take the cold Vulcaness' place. It didn't happen that way though. No, T'Pring had left him alone after she had long found another and Nyota remained just as unavailable as she had been her first 3 years of attending the Academy.

 

How he longed to hold her, take her gently into his arms and feel the coolness of her silky copper skin, deeply inhaling the floral perfume that was her. Even more than that he wanted to hear Nyota say I love you.

 

There was no greater honor that a human could bestow upon another being than their unconditional love and devotion he thought. He had so many things going for him, his looks, his intellect, his health, his libido, why did she not go on and permit his love, a love that he himself saw that she wanted? Maybe the pull of Starfleet regulations was too strong for both of them to fight free of and she would never come to him in hopes of being his. He sighed and clenched his fist. It was their way to have the female accept the male but she denied him with her silence, why?!

 

He looked the end of the aisle and saw the gray bearded manager looking at him curiously. " Can I help you? You trying to buy something for a project?"

 

The Vulcan tilted his head and gave a short shake. " Yes I was looking for inspiration on a personal project of mine but nothing that you would be able to help me with." And with that he walked out of the store.

* * *

 

He started towards the Academy to walk Nyota over to his apartment for their tutoring session still burning from his emotions bubbling up from their confines. He felt it safer not returning to the same spot to ravage her, someone might try and say he was hurting her or that they were spending too much time together. That was for them to decide.

 

Spock was still several feet away from Nyota's dormitory when he noticed a pair standing outside of the entrance. A male was caressing a slender brown female’s arm and she was smiling back at him shyly. His female, his Nyota!

 

He growled lowly, a rumbling thunder centered in his chest as he glared at the necking couple. How dare she? That was not his arm to touch, nor was it her body to give. It was his!

Spock battled the tempest warring within him as he walked up to them looking nonplussed. " Good morning, Cadet. I trust that your guest did not stay the night?"

 

Nyota's face flushed red profusely as she looked back and forth between her commanding officer and last night's conquest. " Sir! Not to speak out of turn but that is my personal business, sir!"

 

He felt his anger spike and he took a quick breath before continuing. " As you know, no civilians are allowed an overnight stay upon Academy or Starfleet grounds without the proper paperwork being filed and approved by the necessary parties." He narrowed his eyes at her companion and contorted his face into a quick snarl while Nyota was busy looking at the other male as well. This is what he got when he did not leave his mark upon Nyota, it was not enough to coat her in his scent and leave his seed inside of her. He wanted to mark her right then in front of this rival but his warped logic still knew better than to do so in public. Being in public did not lessen the urge to though. His jaw spasmed as he held it shut.

 

He was regressing to his forefathers mentality quicker than he thought he would given the healer’s medical prognosis after severing the bond. Whether he realized it or not T’Pring had given him a foundation to ground his violent emotions in and when she had left him, his tumultuous feelings began to cave in the building of his logic. He was going mad.

 

" I'm sorry, Yorri. I've got to run, call me later okay."

 

The Betazoid stared at Spock picking up on his building rage but said nothing of it. " Yes, I will call you later. Bye Nyota"

 

" It's Cadet Uhura. Good day." Spock said to the male's retreating form in a voice two pitches to low to be his own.

 

Spock looked at Nyota who was staring at him in a mix of anger and confusion. He could not truly blame her for this event. She was young and attractive, any male humanoid would be tempted to have her but she was already spoken for in the most primal of ways. He would forgive her in his own way and time.

 

"Cadet I have your lesson prepared at my quarters, if you would follow me." he turned on his heels and started to walk away but stopped when she protested.

 

" What the hell was that, sir?" she snapped. She was challenging his claim of her. It was good then that today's lessons would be at his apartment. He would not have to worry about anyone questioning the screams and moans that might be heard from his bedroom. He would make her know that she was his today, leave an imprint of it inside her mind to keep her from going astray. He would break her of that Betazoid. If she couldn’t be his, then she could be no one else’s.

 

"I do not approve of your tone, Cadet. If you are referring to the conversation earlier I was merely trying to keep you from a demerit on your record."

 

She wilted a bit at the mention of her sparkling record as he knew she would. Though the sex was always different with her, each time they started to engage in the activity she would always say something about breaking rules or regulations. She had a loyalty to Starfleet that he found charming but would not let such things keep her from his handling.

 

" If you care to speak more about it, let us do so in private. We do not want others to hear of talk your transgressions." he said quietly. She nodded and followed after him to his quarters. They were silent all the way there, absorbed in their own thoughts, she of her career and him of what he was about to do to her.

 

Spock keyed in his door code and allowed Nyota in first. He waited until the door slid closed first before grabbing her by the arm. She resisted without thinking and was shocked by his expression when she faced him.

 

" Commander!?"

 

He growled at her and pulled at her blouse sending the buttons flying. She shirked and clawed at his arm as he continued to shred her clothing, deaf to her pleading. " T'nash-veh! (Mine)" he snarled as he threw her onto the couch.

 

She scrambled toward the edge to flee but he was soon on her, all teeth and tongue. She cried out with each bite since he choose withhold his pleasure but shock her system with his paralyzing rage. His teeth sank like a knife through butter in her soft skin and growled into it.

 

Nyota hurled curses at him as she clawed at whatever she could reach of his body.

 

"Stislak! Fam du'nash-veh! V'tosh ka'tur! (Monster! This-one is not yours! You are a Vulcan without logic!)"she spat with a resounding slap to his pale green cheek.

 

He roared at her and seized her neck. She gasped and tried in futility to pry his vice-like grip from her throat. She could breathe but not comfortably. It made it all the more frightening knowing that at any moment she may not be able to.

 

" T'nash-veh! (Mine!)" he yelled once more, flooding her mind with their previous encounters. Her riding him, him mounting her and all the feelings of painful pleasure that came with it. She groaned and arched, presenting her neck.

 

" Du'nash-veh... ( Yours...)" she whispered, spreading her legs to him in submission as he molded her mind to his whims like clay. She could not deny him, it was beyond her control to choose otherwise. He had captured her mind and now made moves to claim her submissive body.

 

Spock was thoroughly pleased now and eyeing her darkly from above as he bit at his full bottom lip. She was his mate and would no long continue to brood in denial.

 

" Ha, glad-tor du.( Yes, you see now)" he purred and stroked her body. She arched into his touch and hold on her throat, begging to be taken. He could not leave her wanting.

 

He flipped her over the arm of the couch onto her belly with her breasts and arms left hanging over the side. She mewed as his hot hands lifted her rump up in the air, exposing the rosy lips at the apex of her legs.

 

Nyota returned to cursing at him, clawing at the sofa's stiff leather sides as he rubbed the blunt head of his oppressively hot lok between her slit. She sunk her nails into couch with whine and purred his name. " Ha, weh! Tan-tor weh nash veh! (Yes, more! Give me more!)"she demanded almost angrily to be filled.

 

He landed a sharp swat to her ass, huffed over her. “ Be still, lust devil. I will fill you soon enough.”

 

He held her slender shoulders and set a punishing rhythm. She groaned and called him things in Vulcan, delightful, dirty things but it was not enough. He released his hold and settled his hands against her temples. She froze and listened, awaiting his commands. " Make yourself climax on my lok. Tell me how good I am, how good I feel, how none compare to me." he growled inside her mind.

 

She shifted her hips and bounced her bottom against him, the resounding smack of flesh hitting flesh echoing off the walls mixed with her breathy moans.

 

" You're so good, you fuck me so well. None can fill me like you do, no one can tame me like you can. Just when I think I can't, you make me come again and then once more. You know me and you please me." she panted, feverishly pushing against him.

 

Spock watched her moving, her cheeks making a mesmerizing jiggle as they hit his pelvis. He groaned as she ground him, taking his monstrous, green lok inside of her harder and deeper, crying out when she finally found her pleasure.

 

" You took home another that was not me. You allowed him to touch your body and for that you shall be punished." He snarled into her ear. She turned to him looking up contritely. "But I have been good and done all that you asked of me."

 

Spock withdrew himself from her body making them both grunt in displeasure. " I believe it is popular on your world to give a student corporal punishment, I do not see an issue in doing the same with you though you are no longer directly my student. Sit facing away from me on my lap and place your hands at the edge of the coffee table."

 

Nyota held her head in her hands but moved to obey him. Once seated on his thighs, she leaned forward and placed her hands on the table. Her balance wavered and Nyota rolled her throbbing forehead against her arm. " Spock, my head hurts." she whimpered.

 

" Not as much as your bottom is about to hurt, of that I can assure you." he said coolly. She started to turn her head but her growled at her. " Face! Forward! Be still and obey me!"

 

She nodded weakly and flinched with a hiss through her teeth as he struck her left cheek with the flat of his hand. He experimented with hard and light taps, firm swats and more forcefully ones that he rubbed the against the flush skin of her ass. Spock listened, enthralled by the noises that he caused Nyota to utter, she was such a vocal creature.

 

Something hot was sliding down his thigh and he looked down to see her sex glistening becoming wet once more and pooling moisture upon his legs. After a particular hard swat that made her tear up and sob, he ran two fingers across her nether-lips and dipped them into her core. She gripped at them, her muscles trying desperately to draw his fingers further in. She sniffled and a tear rolled across the high plane of her cheekbone. " Please, no more, I've learned my lesson."

 

Spock took some time to admire the poppy red hand prints gracing each globe. He cupped her butt and spread her rump, hearing her whimper in protest as he touched her tender skin. " Do you see how much you crave my lok, Ashayam? I do not take joy in denying it to you. You grow so wet and ready for me. You are not some whore that sleeps with Betazoids, you are soon to be my bondmate. I know that, do you?" he caressed Nyota against her puckered hole making her trill and coo.

Her comm buzzed in the bag beside him. He fished it out and he checked the id. Yorri. He snarled and then began to smile. Actually smile. It was his first time undoing so while not under the influence of cocoa or Vulcan brandy and he found the sensation interesting.

 

He flipped the slim metal case open and held it to Nyota's moaning mouth. He touched the side of her face and spoke within her mind to detail her pleasure and he would reward her with another orgasm. She happily complied. " Yes, please, make me come! Please, please, please, I'll be good! Please!" she panted, ignorant to the phone's existence.

 

He placed the comm on the couch top, sunk deep inside of her and rutted against the female he laid claim to, taking pleasure in knowing her former lover was on the line as she begged for him, Spock, to make her shatter into blissful pieces.

/Where do you want it/ he asked in her mind. " On me, come where you like!" and he sent them both over the edge with a few quaking thrusts. She screamed out wiggling furious as she rode the waves of her euphoria.

 

He pulled out and flipped her over, splattering his mark upon her face and breasts. She looked so beautiful to him as she lay there panting and covered in his essence. Yorri should really get a chance to look at this as well. He grabbed the phone hearing Yorri yelling Nyota's name and asking after her welfare. She was fine, she was with her Adun after all, nothing to worry about. He clicked a few options on the started the video cam, capturing her image in all it's vulgar glory. He pressed his fingers to her toes and spoke to her silently once more.

 

/Say you're taken/ he murmured to her again holding the comm over her torso and her face.

" I'm...taken." she moaned, sobbing as he pinched her clit and sent her spent body soaring once more.

 

/Very good/ and he clicked the comm closed. He pushed against the tight entrance and wiggled a finger in past the knot of her ass./ Now come here and let me explore you...thoroughly./

 

* * *

  
  


Nyota woke violently, as her body trembled with effort to keep her balanced. She quailed and knit her fingers into her hair as she held her throbbing head. It hurt so much! She groaned and tried to recall if she had been drinking that evening?

 

Blackout episodes were becoming more and more frequent and with nothing to explain them away especially since she didn’t drink everyday. Why did she feel so sticky and sore? She hissed as she threw her legs over the bed...wait who's bed was this? She looked around, her breath coming in short huffs. Hyperventilating wasn't going to help her but she couldn't stop. Oww, and her ass hurt too. Wait, did she...? No, she had never been interested, but...she felt so wet there.

She wrapped herself with the sheet and padded around the dark bedroom looking for clues to whose it was, her comm and her clothing. She had to leave here and get some pain meds asap. After a few minutes of searching Nyota struck out on the latter two but she did spy the a tiny red light in the corner. She walked closer and saw that it was a comm wall unit, with 57 waiting messages. 57? Did anyone live here or did they just come here to...ugh she didn't wanna even think about it.

 

She pushed the system awake and played a few recordings at random and was shocked by all that she saw and heard. She was at Spock's home!? She had slept with him!?! Oh God, what had she done? What had he done? She gagged and held her head as a sharp, stabbing overtook her balance and sent her crashing towards the floor in a crumpled heap. It hurt so much. She hurt so much...

 

* * *

  
  


When Spock had found her she was curled up into a tight ball, biting at the sheet wrapped around her body and squeezing her wet eyes shut as she fought the pain. He fell to his knees and gathered her into his arms.

 

" Nyota! Nyota, what troubles you? Ashayam!" he half shout, half cried. As his hands touched her skin he was raked with a white hot streak of pain behind his optical sockets, her scorching pain temporarily blinding him to the already dimly lit room. He groaned and shielded himself as best he could but the feeling still leaked through like hot coals on his fingertips she was suffering so much. How did this happened? Did he do something to her? Did he wound her mortally?

 

Spock dressed her as quickly as he could, took her bag and left for the San Francisco Interstellar Hospital. If she was suffering from something due to their interaction then they would be more than able to handle it.

 

He hailed a hover cab, the driver of which panicked and sped all the way there, all the time shouting that she should have been in an ambulance. Spock didn’t listen as he held his limp mate in his arms as she was silent against his pleas for forgiveness. He was sick and he had hurt her. He should have tried to reason with her instead of bottling the emotions further and further down until they ruptured the way that they did that first morning only with her.

 

He had professed devotion and offered his hand but she was reluctant and it had angered him. Without thinking he took her mind and saw that she did in fact desire him as a mate and was incensed further into taking her body and marking her neck as she scream for him to stop. It was at that time that his logic was truly scattered as he thought he could wipe it away and try again later to win her but with each tutorial he added another foot to the hole he was digging for himself.

 

He had harmed the one he had claimed to protect but she wouldn’t listen to reason! Right?! He hissed and held his head as a wave of pain wrecked through his temple where the healer had broken the bond. It had increased in pain steadily as the gap between himself and others grew and his emotions overwhelmed him. She and many others told him to get bonded but to whom if not Nyota?

 

No Vulcan wanted a half breed! They thought him garbage when he knew Nyota treasured him like a first love. So why did she leave him like this to suffer and let him hurt her...no, it wasn’t her fault...it was his! His madness sought to destroy him and he thought of her as a part of himself so she suffered alongside him as his unbridled perversions swallowed them whole. “ Nyota! Nyota sanoi!” he sobbed as the hover cab pulled up to the entrance. He could not lose her.

 

He ran into the ER, her body limp and cool in his arms, demanding immediate medical attention. A nurse practitioner walked over asking that he keep his voice down.

" She is dying!" he screamed with emotion even startling to himself in its strength. The whole ER froze, even the bleeps and clicks of monitors seemed to quiet down as he panted, clutching the limp brown body in his arms. No one had ever seen Vulcans convey emotion, but here was Spock screaming and looking on the verge of crying as his eyes grew bright with water.

 

" Right. Lucy were going to need a gurney down here stat."

 

A medical team buzzed about Nyota a flurry of charts and scrubs, testing her for this and then for that, asking Spock all that he knew about her. They grew more concerned when he mentioned melding with her.

 

" And she is not bonded to you?" a small Trill doctor questioned him. When he shook his head and the doctor's face went into a scowl as he explained one of the many way Spock had wronged her.

 

" Let's say the human brain is like a two lane street equipped with shoulders off to the side, having a meld with a Vulcan whose brain is more like 4 lane highway, forces a lot more neural traffic down than the 2 lane road is able to manage. Forming a bond with her does a bit of road work for her in her brain to redirect all the extra traffic. Right now and probably a few times before all the extra traffic is driving onto the shoulder to get through and get processed but now all the synaptic cars are crashing and piling up. Why did you meld with her so many times without first consulting an elder? Which by the way we are going to need if she's going to live." he spat and was instantly shocked to see Spock's shoulders heaving as he began to sob.

 

" I have an elder for you to reach. T'Pau, she is visiting her son in the embassy, please call her. Save my Ashayam! I will die with her if you can not save her. I want nothing but her! She is mine!" he choked unfamiliar with releasing his emotion into live action.

 

It hurt to cry. His throat burned and felt as if it had a lump, while the tears streamed both down his face and through his nose making it wet and runny. His chest felt the worst, like there was a raw, gaping hole rapidly consuming him.

 

His mate was dying because of him, because he was sick and did not think to once accept the help that his parents and grandmother offered him. He knew what all 51 messages would more or less say. Let us help you, do not go on destroying yourself, but he had wanted too. He was unloved, outcast and broken and the only thing that kept him here was Nyota's feeling of affection.

 

He tried so hard to make her love him but each false accidental touch he made let him now the results were fruitless. At first cocoa numbed him ( k'vass had been so hard to come by) but cuts and burns were more distracting from his pain elsewhere. And he could control those, how deep, how wide, how many, how few. And when he was done he could just repair the damage to his body but he could not do so for his mind.

Nyota had been the best thing to ever happen to him and he could not find a way to claim her.

 

He would watch her during the time she was an aide and while out on her lunch breaks, masturbate to her scent infusing the room. The guilt had been so strong the first time he cut himself right there at his desk across his stomach.

 

But that was not enough, nothing was enough where she was concerned. He needed her so much, he wanted to devour her and hold her life inside of him. She was his. She was his. SHE WAS HIS!

 

He was growling and crying, snarling now at anyone that got to close to her. He stood up from his chair to stand at her side and wailed her name. His Nyota. Why did she have to be so fragile to his touch. He was playing with her hair when a richly dressed Vulcan appeared in the doorway. Sarek.

 

" Spock, what have you done?" he asked flatly.

 

A rival. Spock snorted and growled a warning. He would not have her. He would die if he touched her and he said as much in Vulcan to the challenger.

 

Sarek tilted his head, looking sadden and distressed. " Son, I have my own, I do not challenge you for yours. You may have her if she'll have you."

 

" OF COURSE SHE'LL HAVE ME. CAN YOU NOT SMELL ME ON HER! I MATE WITH HER ALMOST EVERY DAY!" he roared. Spock shook his head feeling dizzy with anger. No one ever understood. Why couldn't they understand she belonged to him? " SHE'S MINE!"

 

He launched himself through the air towards his father. It was a dance of fire and ice, Spock's hot fury to Sarek's frigid passiveness. Spock did not check himself and landed a few blows to the older Vulcan but Sarek was a more seasoned fighter.

 

The elder stopped his defensive pose and struck out hitting his son's sternum. The wind left him and it went downhill from there. Spock was fine with attacking but his mind was not focused at all on blocking. Even as Sarek pelted him with blows paralyzing his right arm and left foot Spock still swatting fiercely, clawing at his father's robes and face.

 

Sarek remained calm and focused and was rewarded with Spock's back after the younger Vulcan attempted to jab him. He held his shoulder and took his index and middle finger of his other hand and held them against the base of his skull. Spock instantly fell to his knees and knelt motionless. The doctors and nurses that ran outside at the first few blows returned after a few minutes of quiet along with a petite Vulcan matron.

 

Lady T'Pau.

 

She looked at her grandson and then towards Nyota. Both looked to be in horrible condition like she expected but she still felt...moved. " Spock, your thoughts, give them to me."

 

She almost winced against the maelstrom of his mind. He was tearing himself apart, looking and searching for Nyota who he had not even bonded to. He cried her name in his mind and wailed in despair as his cries went unanswered. Visions of her floated by and faded from view all of her smiling or moaning or heavily lidded in lust. T'Pau pressed gently on his katra and found it wilting and withering. Spock was not only going to die in corporal form but in spirit as well. He had been in tel'has-mar (bond diseased or sick) so long that without bonding with Nyota his body was choosing to decay. Without her he would rather be dead.

 

T'Pau clucked her tongue as she reviewed his 'courtship' of the small, dark human. She had suffered. Never in her days did she ever think Spock capable of such...ek'rasahkos (evil).

 

" I need her. I love her." Spock whispered aloud and within.

 

T'Pau felt heavy with burden. As she withdrew from his mind. It seemed that both would die and all because of Vulcan emotions that went unchecked; a poisoned love born out of heartache.

 

" Sa-fu he is dying a true death to shan'hal'lak ( The Engulfment) due largely in part to the tel'has-mar but the young human's demise tipped him over the edge."

 

She turned to the Trill doctor who cowered a bit at her unflinching gaze. " You will stabilize these two and transport them to these ship coordinates and into my custody. They are now under my care."

 

The Trill started to object and thought better of it when she raised an eyebrow at him.

" What are you going to do?"

  
T'Pau squared her slim shoulders from beneath her robes and answered. " Whatever is necessary for them to survive."


	5. The pain of remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lady T'Pau heals her family old and new as best she can but still finds the results to be sorely lacking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small bittersweet chapter

Sarek and Amanda watched from the balcony as their son and their soon to be daughter in law slowly made their way through the hybrid rose garden. Every now and again Nyota would sniff a flower and point it out for Spock to do the same. He would and she would smile and he would speak more about the process his mother painstakingly took to grow the plants. It was sweet or at least would have been if it were not so deceiving. It was a beautiful yet sickening lie. T'Pau walked out join them dismissing her attendants with a flick of her wrist. They bowed leaving the three alone to their thoughts.

 

" Sa-fu. Kofu. Your thoughts, speak them to me." the matron spoke softly.

 

Amanda turned away from them to look at her son and hide the emotional distress playing across her face. Her eyes fluttered as she tried to hold back her tears. "We have betrayed her." she whispered not daring to speak any louder as her voice may have cracked from the regret and sadness she kept bound within her.

 

" It was unfortunate. Spock, despite his tel'has-mar had made it up in his mind and katra to only be satisfied with Nyota and no other as his Adun'a. Unlike our people Spock has an emotional depth that simply could not be fathomed. He was born with not only the unyielding love of a human but also the deep-sated possessiveness of a Vulcan. It can be reasoned that if he had stayed with T'Pring who abandoned him for Stonn and if he had never been in close contact with Nyota, only having her as a student and not an aide and later friend, that this would have never happened." T'Pau spoke gravely.

 

The elder did not like it any more than her daughter in law but she had seen into their minds when she had joined them.

 

Spock's madness had been contained to his own mind for an admirably long time. For 192 days where other Vulcans would have long perished, Spock went on instructing his students and suffering in silence. It appeared that the abuse of his body and then of Uhura’s had prolonged his existence. The small, brown human had been his only comfort, she did not judge him like other Vulcans or Humans, and had shown him kindness as an overture to her affection for him.

 

Shortly after becoming his aide, Spock had fallen in love with Nyota, desiring her to be the bondmate that he should have had but possessed no longer. He pined for her day after day, fearing her rejection and scared of losing her to a rival male. His hope of winning her heart prolonged his life but twisted his mind. The Vulcan desire to bond with her and make her his warred with that of the human's love and desire to let her choose and love him back. He had taken her body, performed kae'at k'lasa (mind rape) when she had no way to defend herself from his advances, from his hellish devotion.

 

Though people would judge them as emotionless and cold, the truth of the matter was that Vulcans needed the frigid hold of logic to bind their passions. Their society was not perfect nor in some way was it ideal but it had survived and grew in population. In pre-enlightenment times, bonds and mates were taken on forcefully, hard fought for after killing any number of challengers and their prized female pulled under the winning male's body. It was turbulent and frightening era, that anything had been made or created during that time still surprised T'Pau.

 

And though they would go on to tell their young that other races were not worthy of them, it was they, the Vulcans, that were unworthy of them. Ashamed of who they were and what they were capable of drove the elders of their race to pass on the elitist attitude, calling it ideal and logical. But there were still instances like that of her sa-fu finding and claiming his Amanda. It was most convenient that she had sought him out as much as he did towards her, their bond was formed without issue.

 

Nyota being Spock's subordinate never had such a luxury as they would have both been disciplined for their actions.

 

The yearning that Spock felt when he first touched Nyota in passing at the library was like coolant being dumped into the warp core manifold, it sent his carefully managed sickness into a lust-filled mania. If only she could have gotten to him sooner, maybe then both of the young ones could have been spared their pain.

 

Spock would not have been able to live with his knowledge of his sins, of his crazed ravaging of his ashayam and Nyota would never hope to live with a Vulcan that had raped her in every way he could. Not that they would ever remember, she sadly, had personally seen to that.

 

Sa-fu was watching her as he pondered aloud. " Will they ever find out?"

 

T'Pau folded her thin hands into the sleeves of her robe. She gracefully dipped one shoulder and turned her face to the side, the Vulcan body language for no. " Sarek you have nothing to worry about everything to remind them will be expunged and wiped clean. Now are you and your Adun'a prepared?" she asked withdrawing her hands. Sarek bowed his head and kneeled before his mother but Amanda was openly crying now.

 

" How can I just forget what my son has done to her?" she said gesturing towards the pair in the garden. " Not that he intended to ever hurt her, but he did and I don't think he deserves Nyota."

 

T'Pau found it hard to rebuke her, her logic was sound but things in life were never so simple as logic lead one to believe. Especially where human were involved.

 

" In truth Spock deserves nothing and everything. Would you think it more humane of me to confine my grandson to his quarters in your domicile until he died from his tel-es-mar or suicide brought on from his guilt, shame and loneliness? Do you think it better to restore all of Nyota's memories that Spock had retained inside his mind and leave her to heal herself, to tell her some such pitifully lacking sentiment like we are sorry for causing offense and we hope you can move on from this experience that is most unnatural to have happened to you? That I should have chosen not to forgive and forget, in such a way as to give them a second chance at their lives?"

 

Amanda sighed heavily rubbing the tears into her face. T'Pau could feel Sarek's pain and concern through their bond as well, most of it she could sense was towards his Amanda, but she was sure that he was in the process of bundling his feelings towards the situation as a whole.

 

" It's still does not make it right." she sniffed into her sleeve, looking so very human before their eyes. T'Pau would not hold this one instance of emotional weakness against her, it was a troubling issue that was personal to all involved. To act as judge, jury and justice for somebody else's life should not be taken lightly.

 

" You're grief and sorrow will heal them of nothing and only cause them harm if they were to ever find out what you know. I shall grieve for thee, as matriarch of this clan as is my duty and obligation to do so. Now daughter, come." T'Pau extended her withered hand towards the pale human. Amanda shut her eyes tightly but bowed before her, her head tilted to receive her touch.

 

T'Pau rested her fingers upon them gently, entered in with the softest touch she could manage. She could tell Amanda was battling with the need to object to the whole process so she would not linger on the task. She gathered all their memories and thoughts of Spock and Nyota and edited each to only contain information of what they were now, a happily newly bonded couple.

 

T'Pau clipped and sheared with a surgeon's precision, not leaving any memories with ragged edges or gaping holes. After she had stitched and cauterized her work she slipped quietly from their minds.

 

They slowly blinked up at her and stared.

 

" Your bonds are strong and healthy, I detect no issues to be resolved. Now, let us join the kanlar down in the garden."

 

They both nodded, Sarek helping Amanda to her feet unnecessarily so and they all went out to see Spock and Nyota.

 

They went downstairs and out the of the narrow door leading to the ground floor deck. Amanda covered a smile and pointed to where Spock was smelling Nyota as she was smiling another rose. T'Pau had flash of panic. Had their bond not cured him? He stood up and greeted them as they came closer. T'Pau quickly shot through her familial bond with Spock and saw that all was well and perhaps he was just indulging himself in the scent of his mate.

 

" Spohkh-kam, attend me." she commanded with a sigh.

 

Spock nodded and held out his forearm where she gently rested her hand. They walked through the meandering path until it led to a redstone bench. T'Pau lowered herself down, happy to sit as last and Spock sat beside her curiously. He was always so curious, she noted, that was one of her favorite qualities about this grandson.

 

" Ko'mekh-il?" he called her questioning their separation from the group.

 

She wasted no word with him not wanting to dwell any longer than she had too. " You love your Nyota. Take great care in attending to her needs and entertain her wants. Though she is human and female do not think her weak, it will only agitate your Vulcan need to protect her with your life. See to it that you adorn her in your trust and treasure this mate you have procured with the utmost respect. I expect nothing less than from you towards Nyota. And if you feel that she is in danger from you, you will call me immediately. Understand and obey in these things Spohkh-kam."

 

Spock's brows furrowed but he nodded in agreement. " Of course, this one sees the logic in this. But do not worry, Ko'mekh-il T'Pau, I would never hurt Nyota knowingly. I love her."

 

If she would able to do so T'Pau would frown ever so slightly at his statement. " I know Spohkh-kam, I know."

 

They watched from the bench as Nyota flinched away from a rose stem and put her pricked finger into her mouth.

  
So sad, T'Pau thought. That the beautiful flower Nyota would always be equally guarded and held captive by the thorns that were her Spock. And for the first time in the matron's long life she wished to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note:
> 
> Author's Note: Thank you all for reading this trying story, it was something that my spirit wrestled with to type out and share. I do not condone violence against women (or men. Though I do confess to being interested in reading such fiction), nor do I think it's okay to let a friend who is abusing their body go unquestioned. I felt it in my heart of hearts that story like this shouldn't get diluted or water down for sensitivity sake because experiences like these are never kind enough to be refined before you experience them in the first place. Every relationship has its unique set of challenges but it's the ones that remain hidden that are usually the most heartbreaking. I personally had a friend who married and was later widowed by her rapist, whose family never told her that he was bi-polar. I remember her telling our church in her testimony about the experience and how many times things got in the way of her trying to have a relationship with him but she ignored all the signs. " I loved him so much I wasn't going to let God stop me." was a quote that I remember her telling us and I was riveted. I could not imagine living her life even as she told it to me.
> 
> I have dealt with my issues of dancing with the devil and being hurt in the process so I couldn't very well understand why someone would welcome it. But temptation and desire never do make any sense other than being things that we think we want but might not truly want given to us. This story is not based on my sister in Christ but largely in part on my own struggles with being hypersexual, my search for love in dark places and issues from abuse.
> 
> I just had to get this dark thing out of me, so sorry for any discomfort this note or the ending of this story may have caused you but thank you again for reading. Reviews for the story as a whole are very much appreciated and PM's are welcomed. A huge thanks and hug towards my lovely betas who have been excellent, serious, smutty reviewees, PoorQueequeg and Valyria LLAP
> 
> Without first walking through the darkness, we won't come to appreciate the light.


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